


tell me the truth

by avoidfilledwithcelluloid



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: M/M, Minor L/Yagami Light, because why not?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2019-01-27 22:52:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12592320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avoidfilledwithcelluloid/pseuds/avoidfilledwithcelluloid
Summary: "Matsuda," Light said. He rolled the name around in his mouth like a candy dissolving on his tongue. This would be easy. Perched on the armrest of his apartment's sofa, Light leaned over Matsuda with the weight of a coiled snake. His hand slipped around Matsuda's shoulder. "What do you think of me?"(light gets drunk, decides that seducing Matsuda into joining the Kira side is a great idea and thinks too much about L. worth reading, i, the author, would say.)





	tell me the truth

**Author's Note:**

> my roommate told me i should start this fic off by apologizing to my mom, so. sorry mom. 
> 
> If you like what u read, please comment!

"Matsuda," Light said. He rolled the name around in his mouth like a candy dissolving on his tongue. This would be easy. Perched on the armrest of his apartment's sofa, Light leaned over Matsuda with the weight of a coiled snake. His hand slipped around Matsuda's shoulder. "What do you think of me?"

Only hours before, they had been drinking at a bar in downtown Tokyo. The bar was loud and Matsuda insisted he knew the bartender. Light didn't often accept invitations out especially not with coworkers but. He liked Matsuda. So, when he'd been asked to get a drink after work with Matsuda he agreed. 

Once they got to the bar, he let Matsuda order for him. He'd never liked drinking and hated the way people's breath smelled after consuming alcohol, raw and cloying. Yet the drink Matsuda brought him had a sweet snap to it that Light couldn't complain about. 

Around them people chatted with each other while Matsuda attempted to do the same with Light. Nodding and smiling, Light absorbed none of what he was saying and instead thought of what he would do once he got home. Misa was doing a photoshoot. He had the apartment to himself and he intended to use the time wisely.  Matsuda asked him if he wanted another drink and Light, distracted, said yes. One more drink turned to two more, then another and another until Light felt his head grow heavy. 

"Light," Matsuda said. "I think I'd better get you home. I didn't think you'd be such a lightweight!"

"I'm not," Light said. His vision blurred and then refocused. "I don't drink very much."

"All the same," Matsuda said. "I'll just walk you to your apartment. You still live at the same one, right? With Misa-Misa?"

Light hummed in response and let Matsuda guide him out of the bar. His mind ticked away as they walked. The alcohol made his thoughts go slick as they slid around into odd shapes. He regarded Matsuda while he talked at Light.

_Matsuda,_ he thought.  _He's such a good person. He's exactly the kind of person I want in my new world._

These thoughts often wandered through Light's mind: who among his acquaintances belonged in his new world. Even now, as the hard edges of his scheming softened into useless pondering, his new world preoccupied him endlessly. They arrived at his apartment with no trouble. Light stood at the door, restless, and then, through the strangeness of his intoxication, turned to invite Matsuda upstairs.

And now they sat: Light on the armrest and Matsuda staring desperately at his lap, attempting to avoid the slippery gaze Light set upon him. He'd always liked Matsuda more than the others. Maybe it was because he was stupid. Light loved stupid people. Sure, some stupid people committed crimes because they, unlike Light, weren't intelligent enough to see beyond their own petty ways. But, really, he loved idiots because they were so trusting. An idiot's love was easy to acquire and almost never ran out. Light thrived off that love, built his kingdom on that sort of love.

Smart people, though. He didn't need them quite as much. They only made things difficult, the way L had. Matsuda would never do the sort of cruel things L did; he wouldn't toy with Light the way L had. 

"I asked you a question," he said. Light tried to keep his voice free of annoyance—only gentle prodding. "Matsuda. What do you think of me?"

"Light," Matsuda said. "You know what I think of you. You're, well, you're one of the best detectives I ever known. You're so smart."

"Do you love me, Matsuda?"

"Oh." A brilliant pink flush colored Matsuda's cheeks. "Light. I don't. You shouldn't. I don't think of you that way."

"It's okay," Light said. "You can tell me the truth. You like me, don't you?"

With a casual finger, he played with the collar of Matsuda's shirt. He felt comfortable, more comfortable than he'd felt in a little while. 

"Of course, I like you." Matsuda looked up at him and he stuttered on his next words. "E-everyone likes you, Light. Are you insecure about something?"

There it was. Light widened his eyes and cast his gaze downward, willing a blush to cross his features. Insecure? Is that what Matsuda wanted? Light could play insecure.

"The others," he said. "I'm not sure. I don't think they respect me."

"How can you say that?" Frustration grew in Matsuda's voice, although Light knew it wasn't directed toward him. Never toward Light, the victim of this little act. Behind his unhappy twisting together of hands, hidden within his own thoughts, Light smiled. 

"I know it's hard to swallow," Light said. "But part of me worries they still think  _I'm_ Kira."

"Don't say such a thing!" A hand grabbed his knee and Matsuda tugged Light closer. His eyes sought out Light's and their conviction fed a fire inside Light. "You're innocent, remember? Even L knew that."

_No,_ Light thought.  _He didn't._

"I know I'm innocent," Light said. "You know I'm innocent, right?"

"Of course, I do," Matsuda said. His grip on Light's knee tightened, the warmth of his palm so close that Light leaned into it. Easy; it would be easy to duck down and kiss Matsuda right then. How lucky would he be, good and kind Matsuda, to be kissed by a god? And he'd never even know how luck had smiled on him. 

"Thank you," Light said. "It means so much to me that you believe in me."

Belief. To feel it glow from Matsuda sent a thrill up Light's spine. To be believed in lit up every spark inside him and, as he dropped from the armrest to one knee on the sofa, a struggling logic started to form. Maybe he could convince Matsuda to join him. Not as a co-conspirator, no, no. That was too risky. But as a Kira supporter. Yes, that could work in Light's favor nicely. His heavy breath echoed through the apartment and Light realized he was half hard. 

"Matsuda," he said. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Light."

"Hm?"

"I don't know," Matsuda hesitated. "I'm not sure what you want from me."

"Just the truth," Light said. "I only want the truth."

"Okay. Sure."

"What would you do, right now, if I kissed you?"

"If you what?" Matsuda's face went pink. Was this the best course of action? Yes, this was the only way. If he could just get Matsuda to understand how much he had to offer, then maybe Matsuda would join him. A poisonous gas leak of a smile slipped up Light's lips as he tucked his face down into the space between them to kiss Matsuda. 

He kept his mouth closed. Chaste was the way to start; Matsuda wasn't Misa, all passion and ferocity. No, he'd have to take a little time to get him to open up. Underneath him, Matsuda shuddered before pulling back. His eyes met Light's and blinked, suddenly bright with fear. Light's heart stopped. What had he seen? Had Light let Kira slip, let his secret heart show? No, that couldn't have been it. He knew what people looked like when they saw his true face. Panic and then silence: that was the signature Kira left behind on his victims.

"Light," Matsuda said. He hastily moved backward. Light followed him, crawling over Matsuda on his hands and knees. "You're drunk. Are you sure you want this?"

"Do you want me Matsuda?" Light asked.

"I," Matsuda said. "I don't know."

"How long have you wanted me?" Light said. "Tell me. It's okay. Just tell me the truth. Was it during my confinement with Ryuzaki? Did you want me then? Or was it later?"

Matsuda left the air between them empty. The waiting dragged its nails down Light's insides. He couldn't stand indecision. His hands ached to just seize Matsuda by the shoulders and slam him down, kiss him hard until he could taste Kira on Light's tongue. Instead, he placed a single hand on Matsuda's chest.

"How long, Matsuda?"

"Since." He hesitated. "Since Ryuzaki died. When you became L. You were so calm. I admired your will power so much, to keep going after your best friend died like that. Right in front of you. I guess I developed a little crush on you."

"A crush?" 

Of course, this would have been started by L. Still the threads of his ghost pulled and twisted themselves around Light's plans. But this wasn't about L; this was about Matsuda and about getting what he wanted. 

"Just a little one." Matsuda pinched his fingers together. "I never thought you'd like me back. I guess it's only because you're drunk. Maybe I should go."

"No," Light said. His voice got high with panic. "No. Stay. Misa's not back until tomorrow."

"Light," Matsuda said. "You have a girlfriend. You shouldn't be--"

"Don't tell me what I should and shouldn't do." The words came out hard. Matsuda's face shrunk and Light's hands clenched in the sofa fabric. 

"I'm sorry," Matsuda said softly. 

"Don't be," Light said. "Let me kiss you again."

Matsuda opened his mouth to speak but Light cut him off with another kiss. This time he worked his mouth smoothly over Matsuda's and slipped his tongue between his teeth. Underneath him, Matsuda froze. As Light continued to kiss him, his limbs warmed and he chased after the kiss. At short intervals, small moans escaped Light. They were soft but bright in sound like the muffled chime of a clock. 

Matsuda's hands became bold and took hold of Light's hips. Annoying, yes, but Light could deal with it. He let him clutch at Light's skin, skirting the bottom of his turtleneck up enough to expose some of it. Light's head still felt heavy with alcohol. The longer he let himself mess around with Matsuda, the more tired he felt. If he wasn't careful, he'd fall asleep right on the man and destroy what little of a plan he had left.

He lifted himself away from Matsuda's mouth to slid down until he was eye level with the button of Matsuda's slacks. Easy fingered, he took hold of the button and looked up at Matsuda.

"Is this okay?" He asked. It didn't matter what Matsuda answered. Light would have him thinking about it either way.

"Light," Matsuda said. "You don't have to--"

"I'm not doing it because I have to," Light said. "I want to do this. I want to do this for you, Matsuda."

And he did. He wanted to give, like any benevolent god would. As he dragged down the slacks' zipper, Light watched Matsuda's eyes widen. How must he look, then, to inspire such a reaction? It wasn't the first time he'd been in this position and he'd been on the receiving end of fellatio before. From above, he imagined himself a soft innocent, ready to offer himself in service of another. Matsuda had no idea the machinations which spun behind Light's shining eyes and that was good. He didn't need to know.

Light untucked Matsuda's dick from his pants and held him in his hand. The weight of the shaft gave his pause. Matsuda was thick but of average length; Light could definitely take him. Yet he needed a moment--a sensation he attributed to his intoxication. For the first time that night, he allowed himself the thought he'd been avoiding.

_I'm drunk,_ he thought.  _I'm drunk and this might be a bad plan._

There was no stopping now though. Light needed to follow through and, after all, it wasn't like he minded sucking Matsuda's dick. Sex was an easy chore to perform. It only took minimal effort to achieve a desirable response and his body was little more than a tool for his mind. To use it for pleasure was nothing to him. 

"You look beautiful, Light," Matsuda said. His eyes told Light that he meant it. Light received many compliments; beautiful was one he got often. But he put Matsuda's words away into the overflowing box where he kept praise. Better to keep them for those days when godhood weighed heavy on his head. 

"Thank you." He blew gently on the tip of the cock and pressed his lips there. Inch by inch, he allowed it to slip further into his mouth until it touched the back of his throat. His head bobbed up and down while Light laved his tongue against the underside of the shaft. Horrifyingly, a spot of drool formed at the corner of his mouth that Matsuda brushed away. He kept at his task, moaning where appropriate and stroking at Matsuda's balls. 

Matsuda was loud, grunting and gasping while Light worked. His eyes closed as his head tipped back and his breathing became harsh. Light sped up, hoping for a quick release. Unbidden, thoughts of L surfaced and Light tried to squash them in desperation. An image of L watching him, now, as he performed half- hearted fellatio on Matsuda projected itself like an illicit film. Even worse, his previous state of partial arousal morphed into a full-bodied fever as the idea of L sharpened. He took a sharp breath through his nose and shut his eyes, willing the thoughts away. 

"L-L-Light," Matsuda stuttered. "I'm going to c-come."

Lost in his other, more insidious thoughts, the jolt of come which spurted into his mouth shocked Light. He hardly had time to pull of Matsuda's dick before the disagreeable taste touched his tongue. The rest spat weakly at his face and a few drops caught on his bottom lip. Matsuda at least had the decency to look apologetic.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I should have said sooner."

Light conjured up a smile and shook his head. 

"It's okay," Light said. "I was, hm, lost in the sensations."

"Oh. Okay." Matsuda replied, smiling back. His reactions were so genuine, so open, that Light wanted to hold them in his hands and study them. He wanted to know their secrets so he could replicate them at a moment's notice. Dizzily, he wiped the come off his lips with the back of his hand. He had no choice but to swallow the rest. His head started to ache. Matsuda scooted up right and moved to touch Light again. Light pulled away.

"Can I tell you something?" Light asked. Here it was. His chance. Dopey from orgasm, Matsuda would be more open to the truth than ever. All he would have to do is tell him who he was, who Light really was. 

"Of course," Matsuda said. So open. So good. Light hesitated. Then he changed his mind.

"I," he said. "I enjoyed tonight."

His mouth dried out. 

"Do you want me to--," Matsuda gestured to Light's crotch. Light shook his head.

"No," he said. "I'm actually a little tired now."

"Alright. I'll leave."

"Could you," Light said quietly. "Could you not say anything about this? To the rest of team?"

"Of course not," Matsuda said. He put his hand on Light's shoulder. His hand was a thousand hands all complied into one and Light wanted to yank himself backward. Instead, he laid his own hand over Matsuda's and let the corner of his mouth inch up into a small smile.

"Thank you," he said. "I appreciate that."

Matsuda collected himself, buttoned his pants and walked to the doorway. Light thought about walking him there but couldn't get himself to move from where he was. The door knob clicked and there was the swish of the door opening before a pause. 

"You know, Light," Matsuda said. "I do like you. Everyone does. You shouldn't be so worried all the time."

"You're right, Matsuda," Light said. For once, he couldn't stop himself from sounding hollow.

"I'll see you tomorrow." 

The door shut and Light fell forward until his forehead rested on the sofa. An errant hand pressed itself against the crotch of his jeans and he tilted his hips into his own touch. Part of him wanted to release himself, masturbate until he came onto the sofa fabric. Another part of him wanted to wait—wait until his arousal went down. Wait until he could think clearly again and then go back to work. There was so much work still to do, so much evil to still clean up. Light stretched out and reached into his jeans to cup his sex. He rubbed his finger against his clit, feeling the warmth of his excitement start to tighten in his stomach. 

_The grey pallor of L's_ _fresh corpse in Light's hands._

Light rubbed harder, near the point of pain. He undid his jeans and shoved his other hand in, slipping a finger into his cunt. 

_The way he'd looked right before, his eyes bright with understanding._

His mouth hung open against the sofa, moans loud and echoing through the empty living room. Two fingers now and his clit grew harder. A scream lurked in the back of his throat.

_The final_ _sight_ _of_ _his sharp black pupils before he died, before Light killed him. Before Light won._

The sound of his groan was clear. To his own ears, he heard himself like the chime of an alarm bell. His body broke open from orgasm as release shot through him. Light gasped for breath and shuttered as he removed his hands from his jeans. 

For the moment, he lay there as he shook. The hand of sleep closed around his neck, reaching for his mouth and grasping its fingers on his teeth. It crawled inside him and covered his mind in blankness. He didn't bother to move from the sofa. Once morning arrived he'd get up. Yes. Soon enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Did you like that? Really? Wow. Then you should probably check out my [tumblr](http://translightyagami.tumblr.com)


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